IWSG--The Pit of Despair

It's so weird how my perspective and emotional state can do a complete one-eighty in just a month. Full confession, I was probably "faking it 'til I make it" last month as well.

Generally, I try to focus on the positive because wallowing in insecurity doesn't help. But, man! The month of May ripped me to shreds. I went from, "Wow, I've written some pretty amazing stories" to, "What is the point? Everything is crap."

And that frustrates me to no end.

A lot is going on in my life that has my mind in turmoil. So much so that I haven't heard any of my character's voices in months. For a while, I was able to sit and force myself to write something, but there was no heart in it. So, I decided to put everything away until I could feel the joy of writing again. I hope it doesn't take too long.

And, since it's honest confession time. I had a Pedro (Napoleon Dynamite) moment today.

I won't share photos yet because after cutting off about 8 inches of my hair while opting for a completely new style, I need to learn how to fix it. And maybe go see my regular hairstylist (since I didn't today) and see if she can make some improvements on what I came home with. It isn't bad, it just isn't quite what I was looking for.

And my kids laughed. *sigh*

Meanwhile, I've been listening to new music that encapsulates many of my current thoughts and emotions. I'm going to share one of the songs because I know there might be someone out there who needs to hear it.

So, first, don't freak out. I'm doing fine and have no intention of stepping off the ledge. Everything else in the song is straight from my broken soul. Keep listening to the uplift at the end--that's the part we all need to hold onto when asking ourselves, "What's the point?"

Do you ever let music put emotions into words you aren't strong enough to voice?

If so, what are some of your favorites?

Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds! Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer - aim for a dozen new people each time - and return comments. This group is all about connecting! Let’s rock the neurotic writing world! Our Twitter handle is @TheIWSG and hashtag is #IWSG. The awesome co-hosts for the June 7 posting of the IWSG are Patrcia Josephine, Diedre Knight, Olga Godim, J. Lenni Dorner, and Cathrina Constantine!

June 7 question - If you ever did stop writing, what would you replace it with?

This question comes at a time when I've been asking myself exactly this. Trying to market constantly makes me hate being an author, but if you don't market, you don't sell. I just want to write.

So, I've been asking myself almost daily, "What happens if I just quit?"

• I could throw away the list of 20 story ideas hanging by my desk.

• I could delete all the social media that I don't really enjoy.

• I'd save money on websites and programs that help me be a better writer.

• I wouldn't have to come up with content for my newsletter.

• I could say goodbye to deadlines and stress over characters who don't want to cooperate.

• I'd no longer have to deal with releasing a book and watching sales and page reads trickle in.

• I'd save a couple hundred dollars each year in paying an accountant to file my taxes.

And many other things. But what would replace all of that? I honestly don't know. Just yesterday I asked myself what I would do if I could do anything in the world. You know what the answer was?

Take a nap.

Sad. So sad.